2. Eat My Meat In Peace

Do we need to eat together to be together? Samira and Alex play Heads Up, disagree over advice and discover some interesting truths about their friendship!

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Hey, it's me - Alex

So Bill Gates said that we can't eat beef no more. He said we need to quit it for the planet, which for a steak enthusiast like myself, is hard to hear.
 But
 this shouldn't be too surprising since we are currently in the midst of a global dietary attack against animal products. It's kind of amazing how much momentum this movement has. There are now vegan kitkats, vegan stick on lashes, there's a fully vegan food bank in Las Vegas. Veganuary was huger than ever. There's even Michelin star vegan food now. There's even vegan shrimp! But how? Science is bloody amazing. Shout out to all my herbivore hunnies out there! You guys are killing it. Have you noticed that food in general has kind of become a bit controversial? 

pancakes versus crepe -families destroyed over that one. 

Pineapple on pizza - I've lost friends 

My personal problem = Pate

Anyone out there like pate?  Okay, so you voluntarily eat dog food!
 Anyway, this week's guest is super delicious, and I hope you find our interview, nutritious for your funny bones. I had an accident, about eight years ago. I became a teacher. I know, and I was fortunate enough to meet this week's guest, without further ado, here is Samira
 
 Alex do you want to hear a vegan joke? I promise it won't be cheesy.
 
 Did you think about yourself?

Yeah.
 
 Such a liar!
 
 A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King, you know why? she didn't MEAT the requirements
 
 Such a stetch
 
 Well - what better introduction than that to this week's guests Samira!

 Hey!
 
 How do we know each other Samira?
 
 We actually work together. We've been working together for the past five years, and the first time we actually exchanged any words, you never actually said hi.
 
 I did not know that I didn't say hi to you I feel really bad but I'd never said hi to you and I literally just marched up to you and told you that you were going to go take a picture
 
 I will never forget that day you just came to my classroom like yeah you need to go outside and take a picture. And I was like oh okay what about my lesson, and you're like yeah but don't worry I'm gonna cover it.
 
 I do remember that I do remember being like, Nah, don't worry, I've got your class just go 

And until today, I've never seen that photo really yeah I've never seen that photo, like I've never ever seen it
 
 And so what we're talking about is a, is a feminist campaign that I did at school where we both work in a secondary school. And I don't know what happened to I'm going to look and see…
 
 I feel like you and the photographer probably looked at the photo and we're like, nah!
 
 How would you describe our relationship now?
 
 I would say we were friends. But before you actually knew we were friends, I was your friend, but you weren't my friend. I've been friends with you longer than you've been friends with me. I think because of lockdown. We've gotten a lot closer. And yeah, my friendship has lasted longer than your friendship with me, just saying
 
 For how long?
 
 I'm gonna say a year more than you. 

Oh my gosh.
 
 Yeah.
 
 Well, I'm glad that we're in the same place now.
 
 Yeah, no, I think we're on the same page, before we weren’t even in the same book.
 
 This is an advice podcast, what is the best advice you've ever been given? 

We're not in control of anything. Like as much as we want to be in control of everything and know what's going to happen next and plan, every single move every step, we're not in control and can't let is consume us, can't get stressed out over it can't get anxious over things that we just can't control.
 
 Well said, Absolutely I think lockdown and the pandemic in general has forced us to just kind of think about the now.
 
 100%.
 
 Tell us something that I don't know about you.
 
 I think everyone that's close to me knows that I don't share any sort of cream, anything, but the face cream body cream, hand cream, any cream. Okay. Not my husband, not my child, anyone, but another thing is,
 
 I don't even know, no no no…..Hang on.
 You can’t just move past that. Why?

I really just, I get really stressed out it like just makes me feel sick I can't I can't share anything 

Why? because like someone else’s fingers have been in it?
 
 No - even if it's like a pump. I still can't share it. Yeah, when I first got married my husband was really like what the hell like you are joking right? and I was like, No. We don't share. 

Wow, okay. 

Another thing that I don't share with anyone is toothpaste so I don't keep my toothpaste or my toothbrush in the toilet, I buy my own toothpaste and I keep it. I keep it in my drawers, because you don't want anyone to use your toothpaste. Yeah. So, even if, like my toothpaste runs out, I will go to the shops without brushing my teeth, buy my own toothpaste then come home and use it.
 
 I have never heard of this before, and I'm fascinated by it. And yeah that is definitely something that I didn't. Wow. Okay, what else are you passionate about?
 
 Since I've given birth to life, and like, added to the world. It's actually opened up my eyes and I've seen that the world is not actually a fair place. So just making sure there's, equality, especially for my daughter, so making sure nothing ever stops her, not her age, not her gender. I just want her to know that she can do absolutely anything she wants. So, it was something I'm really passionate about.
 
 Nice. Good answer.

Thanks.
 
 Let's listen to this week's voicemail. 

Hi, my name is Jamie and I'm calling from Thame. My problem is that my partner has just become a vegan, which is obviously fine. I don't have a problem with that. But she will not stop sending me videos of my animals being slaughtered and keep telling me stats and random facts about animal abuse. Whilst I support her choice, it is starting to get a bit annoying. I just want to enjoy my sausage sandwich. I've said that I definitely don't want to be a vegan, but I don't mind eating some vegan meals with her. How can I tell her I want to eat my meat in peace?
 
 I don't know about this you know I think this is the beginning of the end! It sounds like there is beef. No, I'm just joking I actually like this problem I think it's quite a nice one. And I know how she feels like I am literally barricading myself from the vegans, they know I'm weak, and they know like I'll just keep, they just keep pecking at me, you know like, just like keep sending me videos keep, like, I know what she means, and the environmentalists they got me you know I resisted for a while, I was like, no planet for me but they got me and now I care about things like clingfilm, which I know is actually a good thing and so I'm not quite sure why I'm complaining, but what I'm trying to say is I respect vegans. I respect them! Like they are out here fighting the good fight. And, you know, they're fighting for something that they believe in that's bigger than their own selfish meaty needs. And so, more power to them -I can't do it. Maybe I just won't do it. But, yeah, good for them.
 
 Yeah, I'm not sure if I can be a vegan. But where I am Muslim, I do buy vegan options sometimes when I go out.
 
 I'm not like adverse yeah like I'm totally with you like I'm not adverse to vegetarian or vegan food or eating vegan, vegetarian food at all. But I don't I'm not ready to commit man, I can't do it like I love animals but eating them! Let's get to the issue  let's sink our teeth into this meaty issue. 

Yeah, let's pick it apart.
 
 Do we need to eat together to be together? What do you think?
 
 Oh, that's a very good question. I actually think food brings people together. Like, I know, I know, when me and my husband were first going out and dating. We, everything was surrounded. All of our dates were food. Let's go out to eat. Let's go. Try this. Let's do that. But it was always around by food and even like family gathering. It's surrounded by food. I don't know if I'm wrong in saying that but I think food definitely brings people together and do we need to eat together to be together. I'm going to argue Yes. 

Oh wow. Okay.

Yeah, I've had a few people have said this to me before, the first thing your partner says to you, like, if you're at work first thing your partner says is, like, if they call you. What you been eating today?  What we eating tonight? I'll pick up something on your way home. Am I right?
 
 Yeah you're right though I love knowing what people eat.
 
 Yeah. Yes, I think you do need to eat together to be together.
 
 So are you saying you wouldn't give up meat for a lover?
 
 No.
 
 Have you ever tried being vegetarian or vegan yourself?
 
 No, I've never, ever, ever tried being vegetarian or vegan. However, I have recently cut out a lot of red meat, but I don’t think I could  give up fish or chicken. I love fish….I love chicken!

You look like someone's gonna take it away from you! Don't worry I'm not taking it away. I'm just asking!
 
 Oh yeah. Could you?
 
 I mean, I could but I really, I really don't want to and I don't think I'd be very happy, but I don't know I think it's probably going to happen vegans are like vegetarians but mobilised, they're kind of like the Jehovah Witnesses of like the dietary world, big on recruitment, you know like they're very big on recruitment. I just think it's a matter of time before they get me. And it's obviously working because it's growing,  it’s is massive 

It is huge, veganism is a big thing.
 
 It is maybe I should make a podcast about that!
 
 And the amount of the different types of people that are, they're not all the same, you've got all people, you've got young people you've got old people, you've got bodybuilders you've got…
 
 Shout out to the vegan bodybuilders.
 
 I can't name any but yeah. They come in all shapes and sizes.

 All right, so I feel like we've kind of abandoned our caller

 I feel like they need a name,
 
 oh you want to name this person? Okay, well, she and her and her partner are having the issue. So what, you know what I'm gonna let my guest name, our caller.
 
 I'm gonna name her Miranda. Shall I tell you why?
 
 I feel like you are going to…
 
 A vegan cafe close by, where I live, called the Miranda vegan cafe
 
 Ok Miranda. So, um, first thoughts, my first thoughts are. Yeah, that sucks and being spammed, no pun intended by your partner doesn't seem like much fun. What are your first thoughts on the issues Samira?
 
 My first thoughts were a little bit more serious, but maybe I'm reading into it too much.
 
 I think you might be. I don't know I get more of a playful sort of vibe.
 
 I'm gonna assume they're not married at the moment. And I just thought they might not make it down the aisle just because..

Maybe they don't want to get married. 

and her partner aren't going to be able to agree on the menu for the wedding.

I feel like we are assuming a lot here about this caller! Including her name!
 
 Where are you getting this from?
 You told me the other day - don't write somebody else's story.
 
 Oh
 
 I'm quoting you back.
 
 We cannot assume you are right. Let's take it for what it is. Miranda doesn't want to be a vegan.
 
 She said that she's told her partner that she doesn't want to be a vegan, but she doesn't mind, eating some vegan meals with her from time to time. I think that's nice. That sounds like she's being you know she's cool about it.

But we also need to take into consideration that her partner feels passionately about this

I think that this is pretty straightforward. What do you think?

If I was in this situation, and I was so in love and, obviously, this was the person for me, I would just eat my meat secretly on the side!

Miranda doesn't have to become vegan, I don't think Miranda should have to become vegan, but why can't they eat different foods but in the same place at the same time,
 
 We don't know how her partner feels her partner might not want to see a big piece of steak, at the table, because to her. That's a mistake. They can't eat different foods at the same time,
 
 They can they can eat different foods at the same time,
 
 I think they need to sit down, have a conversation and agree maybe sort of like meal prep, what they're going to eat when they're going to eat it, and dedicate maybe I'm going to say, three days a week to vegan meals only, I think three is fair,
 
 Because we should actually all be doing that anyway. Okay, so your advice is:
 
 Have a conversation, get a piece of paper, pick three days, and those two days are the vegan days
 
 What do you think she could say to her partner because I think she's sort of getting at she doesn't know how to seriously tell her that she needs to stop with the vegan manifesto:
 
 Vegan agenda. Yes. Okay, so if it was me, what is Miranda's partner called?
 
 Oh my gosh, Miranda, and……Kelly 

‘Kelly. You know I love you’
 
 So you’re Miranda now?
 
 Yeah, ‘I support you in absolutely everything you do. I've supported you through everything, and although I'm not vegan, I'm happy, I'm more than happy for us to cook together, and eat maybe, I don't know, let's say three times a week, you can have a vegan meal. But I'm so sorry, like I just can't, I can't be fully vegan, and the videos you're sending me are actually quite traumatic, so stop sending them. So how about three days a week, we eat vegan, and on the remainder. On the other four days, we will just compromise, you can make your own meals and I'll make my own meals. Okay, Miranda,I love you,Let's get married’
 
 Stop trying to marry everyone! I think yeah similar advice actually. I do really like this idea of a compromise on the meal plan I think that's really nice. You just, you're going to tell her straight like you just don't be chicken, about it, ‘’ Kelly I think it's great what you're doing and I fully support you. But right now, I want to continue to eat me maybe one day I'll change my mind but right now, I'd be really grateful if you could eat, let me eat my meat in peace, Love you’’ also love steak….and chips
 
 I like that.
 
 You're right, you kind of nailed it on the head like this is about compromise and explaining to your partner that it is actually getting to you the amount that she's bringing up the vegan issue
 
 I think relationships in general are about compromise. My husband loves mangoes, I hate mangoes, with a passion. The smell irritates me, he cannot eat mangoes around me. Compromise!
 
 He can't share toothpaste. He can't eat mango, what can he do? I feel sorry for him!
 
 I feel sorry for him too. I think relationships are about compromise you will never find absolutely everything you want in a person. And you can never turn someone, you can never turn somebody into exactly what you want. 
 
 Well said, there's no such thing as a perfect person.
 
 Not at all 

 Miranda, invite us to the wedding that Samira has decided that you're going to have. And yeah, I hope that that advice was useful. 

All right, so we're gonna play a game. Yeah, we're gonna play Heads up, are you familiar with this game?
 
 I'm very familiar with this game
 
 So for those of you that don't know, it is basically the game articulate. On my forehead, I'm going to have a random thing/word/place/person/song, I don't know what it's going to be. Samira has to describe it to me without saying it, and we see how many we can get through. Alright okay so let's do this.
 
 Okay

So we wear it every single day. It holds two things up

A bra. 

But what sort of bra. 

when you drink too much you get…..

Drunk. 

So yeah. What stays in…. No.. what happens in…… what country…. what the saying what happens in stays in…….. stays
 
 Vegas! Las Vegas is not a country!
 
 We get this in our faces to stop them from moving that much 

Botox. 

Yeah. getting jewellery in your mouth.
 
 ohhh a piercing – a tongue piercing!
 
 It's a sort of alcohol, and it's only made up of three letters

Rum 

Something and tonic

Gin!

Yes!
 
 Obviously I don't drink, because I'm Muslim, but I have actually watched enough EastEnders, to know what gin and tonic is

 Ok its you’re turn now. Let’s do animals gone wild.
 
 Sure. Ok. 
 
 They suck blood, like you put on the skin..

A leech!

Yes

Ok It has a really weird beak. No, it's got like a really big like bottom bit of the beak

I know exactly what we're talking about. Forgot what it's called, skip,
 
 ok it's like a porcupine, but not
 
 Hedgehog! Yes.
 
 It’s like a gorilla but not
 
 Orangutan. No. 

Ape

Yeah. 
 
 They sting you but it's not a bee or a wasp. It's like a really aggressive, like,
 
 It's like a.. it sounds like kind of like a trumpet, like the word like the
 
 cricket. 

No
 
 You have one in your car, and it makes a noise…
 It was a hornet
 
 I'm going to be very honest, I don't even know a hornet is, I’ve ever seen one of my life. 

I know that they have nests and I know that they sting. 

So, Miss Samira Ali that is the end of the podcast I just want to thank you so much for joining me on laugh it off with Alex and. How was it for you?

Yeah, thank you so much for having me I've learned quite a lot, actually,
 
 What have you learned?
 
 I'm not good at telling jokes. I should definitely stop trying to be funny and leave that to the professionals.
 
 Well, I have to say I have to interject here, sorry, I disagree, I think you've been very amusing, and you have made me laugh several times during this recording and I think you've been a fabulous guest and I'm really really grateful that you agreed to do this with me.
 
 Thank you. Thank you for asking me.
 
 Let's do this again sometime.
 
 Oh definitely.
 
 What have we learned. We have learned that into diet couples can exist in harmony. Hopefully, Miranda let us know. Don't expect to share to face with Sameera, and that EastEnders is fulfilling a national duty of educating all the non drinkers about gin and tonics before you go. Please rate and review the podcast on iTunes the all mighty iTunes is the maker or breaker in terms of ratings, leave your email or social media handle in the review and you can win 100 pound Amazon voucher for your trouble. 100 pounds for leaving a review. That sounds like a pretty good deal to me. 

Thank you for listening and join me next time, love, Alex.