5. Gone (cat)Fishing

Things get real catfish-y on the pod! Why is it called catfishing? How do you catch a catfish? Lyndsey finally gets to use her Mom's old advice and reminds Alex of their ultimate waterpark experience! Please rate the podcast on iTunes x

Transcript

Hello, and welcome back to another instalment of lop it off with Alex. 

All it took was one innocent Google search, and the rest of my Saturday was history. Before I knew it, I was deep in the seedy underbelly of the cat fishing world. Things got real fake real fast. All I did was Google, why is it called cat fishing. Now, just to be clear, I'm talking about catfishing, as in using a fake profile or a fake persona to form a relationship online. Why is it called gap vision, do you go fishing and end up with a cat. Is it somehow linked to cat-dog the cartoon on Nickelodeon from 1994. Are there some shady cats out there pretending to be fish? Why is it called catfish. And one of the suggestions, one of sneaky Google suggestions you know they try to act all innocent like, oh, maybe you've meant. How do you catch a catfish. Well, Google tells me that's a catch a catfish you place your hand inside a discovered catfish hole. I'm sorry, Google, what by a girl I drink best fish. So I click the link because you know, I'm an idiot, and Whoo, there is using your hand, as in the end of your arm to catch a cat fish in the water is real. Oh by the way, it's called noodling oh by the way it works by getting the cat fish to bite onto your hand, you know, like a nice bit of lunch and then the Nutella, which is the name of another person in this whole fiasco pulls the cat fish off your hand. What, but don't go all out trying it. Don't try and catch a catfish with your hands because it turns out it's illegal in several areas, also under the warning section it told me claves may get tangled or snacked on roots or rocks. So some and noodlers were only denim shorts. I'm not making this up, I will post by sources check them out on laugh it off pod. Aren't we all catfish in a way though. I mean, my facebook profile says I'm about designer and up Pilates My name is Lucy, long story but yeah I'm kind of living a double life, and I swear every time I check my bank balance that ATM is catfishing me to. Well, I still don't know why it's called catfishing. But today's guest is Lyndsey, who is a bestie my travel buddy, and makes me laugh a lot. I was really excited to get her perspective, and it didn't disappoint. Here is Lyndsey.

 I think with us, and why we're such good friends is a lot of the time, we see something, and we think exactly the same thoughts at exactly the same time. Yeah. Do you know I mean, I know what you mean. Yeah, and we'll be friends for life. Yeah, I just see us in our care homes with our slippers, and our hot shock. Yeah, I can see that I'm down. Looking forward to it. We can take up knitting right next to Lego tree is no it's not it's not optional. As soon as you're old you have to learn how to knit, I can be like an aerobics instructor, I feel like that was my calling, like 80, for sure. I mean, I can definitely touch my toes now so I think it's pretty impressive. And you can net some nice blind keys and then I actually I changed my mind I want to be the bingo caller. What's it like to ducks 22. Yeah, see, yeah, see I don't remember any of them you know what my memories like this is really testing me right now. Have you seen a fish, a catfish. No I haven't really because I have this underlying fear of slimy fish going up against me. Sounds a bit sexual doesn't it, but not like that. Then slimy men. Very true. Very true. So, all women so slimy women, yeah let's not discriminate gender equality. So show me with your hands how big you think a catfish is, it looks like about 30 centimetres you've got there like a 30 centimetre ruler, I'm about to send you a picture right now and I'll make sure I post this on Instagram as well. You think an 88 pound catfish. Oh my god that's kind of a bulging eyes, where teeth. How do you think catfish the TV shows still exists because I'm really concerned like so they're just bringing out a new series now after so many years How are people still not realising that they're getting catfished, I knew you were gonna say this about this TV show he made us in Vegas. When we were feeling slightly worse for where 10 hours of catfish yet done what do you do in Vegas 10 hours of catfish yeah guys woody Ross restaurants, no semi nice sites no just watch MTV catfish sponsored by catfish. Why have you I'm still getting catfished how are people not on to this by now. I think it's sometimes No, it can be quite easy because you see these perfect pictures of people with chiselled abs and, you know, eyes like the see, like, see, is this your Tinder profile that you're describing. Sounds it doesn't have long flowing locks. Yeah, I think people just see it and they think, Oh, it's so lovely that I can I can talk to these people but I think what actually happens is they get all excited they go to finally meet this person and it turns out to be an in law, or a best friend, then they're just left with the sheer disappointment so I do feel sorry for people when it does happen to them really. Yeah, it is that catfish is kind of like murder, like it's probably going to be someone you know that that you think, what is your, what's your favourite memory of us. Oh, really that's got to be the Bahamas, we get there, it turns out, we've been upgraded with our accommodation tech, we find a secluded beach tick honeymoon spa real romantic actually but just two friends going on. Yeah, I mean it really was. So yeah, we had such a laugh together. I think the best moment had to be the waterpark at Atlantis hotel. Do you remember that, oh my god I do remember, it was fun to storming. They basically shut all of the slides, all of the rides, most people left we decided not to leave because we are dedicated proceeded to do the only thing, there was two which was go to the bar because it was the only thing that was open, and then lo and behold, the park opens up again because the thunderstorm ends and we basically got the whole park to ourselves. Yeah, it was great. I did love going to the restaurant. After this five star restaurant both of us, you know, little bit drunk in our flip flops with our wet hair, hey can we have a table, please. We literally just like wet from the waterpark. Okay, it's now time to listen to this week's voicemail 

Hi Alex. I'm concerned for my brother and I don't know whether I should intervene or not, basically it all started at the beginning of the pandemic. My brother joined some online chat rooms sorts of things and has started a relationship with a woman in a different country. He calls her his girlfriend, but I think she is definitely just using him for money. He sends the money for things like vet bills and groceries, and recently he said she needed money for Botox. My Prophet says she isn't using him and he is happy to help her out but I know him. He's young he's 24, and he is a bit of a sappy romantic. Oh, also, I don't think the pictures are her either. He thinks he will really meet her one day and I'm like, I don't think so. How can I explain that he's getting played. Do I even bother. Any advice would be great.

 Initially my gut is saying, I agree with the colour something's a bit off, it's just absolutely mad, how strong that feeling of connection and feeling like having someone even if they're not real, the power of that. and there's that feeling of security that gives you can kind of make you act a bit crazy, what are your initial thoughts Lindsay, it's a tricky one. I actually feel quite sorry for this person obviously if they are being ultimately catfished, but to be honest, this does feel like a bit of a red flag to me, you know, II know because of the money aspect, I think there is probably something a bit fishy going on here, you've got to be really careful in terms of giving money to someone, ultimately the you just haven't met in person, and it leads me to the question of, can that person not get the money from a close friend or a family member, why they haven't asked someone that they've never met before, that is very very true, why would you ask a stranger in another country. Exactly And does this person see them as a stranger it's hard to catfish or not to catfish Do you think she should try and speak to him about it again he's obviously quite defensive about it. I think she should try and tell him I'm not trying to deny that there aren't real feelings there because they definitely can be and it's very easy to build up someone in your mind, who you haven't met yeah I think definitely on his end there's some real feelings there for sure. Yeah, we cannot discount that but really for her to get involved she's actually only looking out for her brother's long term, you know, mental health and stability. Yeah, exactly. So I actually think she's you know she does need to get involved in some way and my mom would always say this phrase, if something's too good to be true it normally is and I would just shrug off and think, oh whatever mom go away, but actually I do think in this situation, or Mom. Mom spell MOM, obviously, American. Mom, mom. Okay, so you think that she should speak to her brother again What do you think she should say he's obviously got quite strong feelings so he feels almost threatened by her questioning, I think there's a way that you have to be kind of diplomatic about these things. If you say something with a level of emotion, then you know not saying she needs to like burst into tears, but I think if she's showing empathy and worry then that will really translate and he will ultimately lesson to her you know they are family at the end of the day, if I was her I would have kind of a bullet points and ideas of what I want to say and re you know put those in the order that I need, and I think she should also mentioned, the money thing, that's a really, that's a really kind of big thing for me anyway, and maybe she can draw on some kind of personal experience, maybe she can use an example from maybe this happened to her 10 years ago and these are the examples and it happened to me so this is why I'm looking out for you. Okay, yeah, I get it, I mean maybe she's not been there before maybe she kind of makes up a story but either way doesn't matter. So what about Don't worry bro I've watched MTV catfish like a million times that could be some like really simple questions that she that she could just ask him like have you ever facetimed, for example, and have she sent you any other pictures that she had any other social media, maybe saw or like plants and see. Yeah, someone refuses to kind of video chat or, or like a weird schedule like is she only talking at certain times, I mean how to catch catfish that's what this, that's what this episode should be called is this person claiming to be someone famous if you think you're dating someone famous you're probably not like what other red flags are they're been asking for money it's got to be one of the top ones. Oh, for sure, asking for money, and it says, paying for vet bills groceries and Botox like what is this woman paying for yeah I'm loving this. I'm loving the boat I bought some bills, help me. We don't know what country this person is in. Does he even know what country this person is in. Yeah, that's a good question. I think the further away the country is, the more kind of cat fishy, it seems, I'm a little bit torn, I think, if he's like in love with this might be a person might not be, he isn't really going to listen to anyone I don't think, because when you're in that lane. When you're in it. See it, so I'm thinking maybe raise it one more time, but it kind of also depends on how many times you've already raised it and in what fashion because if you're gonna go in there and he's gonna get put walls up straight away and have conversation, then maybe don't. I think maybe it's kind of like a stay sort of on the outside sort of on the inside yeah so you know be involved in his life, pop around, when you can ask questions but don't bring her up unless he's kind of bringing her raw, just kind of keep an eye on him like make sure he doesn't like sell his house I think that's where I'm at, at the moment you know if he is being exploited which is kind of what it sounds like it might be you gotta you gotta keep some eyes on him and make sure that he is not going to do, nothing too crazy you know he's young, he's 24 to be, but one, maybe she is real that's something that we also need to remember like maybe she is real, you never know, and too. I think maybe this is the lesson that he might need to learn, maybe this is it maybe some reason he needs to go through this, you can tell someone you can tell someone you can tell us a little bit if they can't see it when they're in it, then, yeah, it's just not gonna happen and also you know he's a young man. He's probably like just getting started in life. He doesn't really want his sister like maybe getting up all in his business. And also, that he might be worried himself, maybe even a little bit embarrassed because it might be a bit embarrassing. If this turns out to be like someone called Jeff who eats lots less rolls and works in it or something. I hope she's real but realistically it's probably someone in Newcastle, who's just got like loads of pastry grease on his keyboard pastry pastry there. Buttery base, I think just kind of keep an eye on this one for now. He's not going to listen, if he's all in love, then you kind of ultimately have to respect that it's that person's decision and they're going to come to their own conclusions. Gosh, have you have you ever been catfished yourself. Um, I think I did once maybe met this guy on Tinder seemed grey, here I go meet him on my lunch break at work, and I kind of saw him waiting outside and was great like you know perfect guys kind of what I wanted everything. And then you know we start chatting, and he opens his mouth, and I think Jesus Christ, that is why he had his pictures with, you know his mouth close. He had a full mouth of gold teeth, all gold teeth, not. What do you mean, all every single one was a gold teeth. What is it up and top and bottom. Yeah, top and bottom and not in a sexy way like at all he's got all gold teeth. Oh, he must have, you know, he must make loads of money. No, no, no, all gold geez weird. He was just strange Yeah. What about you, you know what I mean I've shown up on days and people haven't looked quite like the pictures. I was very lucky in online dating anyway I've thought about quite a good sense of. Yeah, and I'm just good at picking out people who aren't on the catfish scale, we're all a bit catfishing especially in dating, like I say like weird stuff like I would go on a date and let's say the guy would bring something up like, Oh, I'm really into fishing, I'd be like, Oh my god, I love fishing I went fishing with my uncle in Alaska. That never happened. That never happened. I get so mad and you doing this and getting I would, I used to. Yeah and I used to do things like that like so I think we're all a bit cap issue, what I should have said was a lot of fishing for red flags, that's what I should have said, Yeah, you should have said that, for sure. I mean I don't think I've ever really been a catfish myself, I have used old pictures before and yeah my, you know, my boyfriend at the moment says to me you know it's like I'm dating a new person every time I see you because you've just got all this different colours. So depending on the colour of the hair depends on which lyndsey you're getting that day. Oh yeah, exactly, different patterns on red, pink blonde yeah I like the Reds because then that makes me think, you know, red is a bit more like sexy Jessica Rabbit. Was that the name of the hair colour. Yeah, that was the name of the hair colour in the box No, and in actual fact is just not like that at all. It's just dry and horrible, or you know in touch. Now when a cat catfish anyone I don't you know i don't i don't agree with it but I think, like you said, we might all make little comments here and there to engage with someone and look beyond my level really why is it called catfishing, to really know you know, isn't it just broad isn't catfish like face to face broad face fraud. Oh my God, that's what that's what it is. It kind of makes more sense it makes more sense than calling it catfishing. I've heard about zombie-ing, as well. Have you heard about that one. Know what somebody say zombie is when you date someone and they become a long term partner and then they just ghost you, but then they come back from the dead so it's zombie. So it's like a ghost coming back from ghost. Yeah. Speaking of catfishing, why not follow me on Instagram as whoever you want to be laugh it off pod. And why not send this podcast to your friends spread the love spread the podcast. I'm sure they will love it. Just a cheeky WhatsApp forward. Easy. What's the opposite of a catfish like a dog bird. Yes, Doc bird is science, the opposite, like cat opposite of a cat is dog, opposite of a fish's bird. I mean you know being being or science in or as a science educator I'm gonna say yes, it is the opposite of catfish is dog bird. I like it, that's all like we've abandoned our pork or pork rather getting internationally catfish and Ay, ay b. The other thing we need to think about is maybe he just wants to feel needed. Maybe he's getting some kind of satisfaction out of this. Maybe he likes the idea that he's giving her money. Yeah, nice to meet this guy that's one thing I'm pretty sure she might be using him as a sugar daddy but he doesn't seem to be getting any of the sugar. As such, there's only so much you can tell someone realistically just be there for that person when they need you the most and it could be in five years time, it could be in 10 years time, hopefully they would have met by that point, and some of these catfish relationships go on for a decade, they are interacting with someone who sometimes is the opposite of everything that they imagine for decades. Yeah, I can see that person must be getting something out of that relationship, wherever it's to be needed to not feel alone. Yeah, and we're just humans you know we do need contact with each other. Sure action and it doesn't have to be physical it can be through the internet, it can be anything where they, so it's in our DNA to be able to connect with people so I definitely don't blame him. Hope for the best hope that she's real. Yeah, and you got to just let them get on with it I think he. So, let him go through it. Let him see it. Don't ruin your relationship because he's going to need you, if or when it goes tits up, that's my advice, but I hope that she is real and I hope they meet up, and I hope they live happily ever after. Yeah, who would get an invite to the wedding. Oh, definitely invite us to the wedding.

 Okay, so it's time to play a game, so my game is gonna be called similarities, hot potato, have you heard this Lindsey, no I haven't but I didn't quite like a hot potato I'm not gonna lie, do you love. I do love a giant who doesn't, but they take so long. No, not the way that I do it, not the way that I. Okay, my stand corrected, we are going to take it in turns to list, something that we have in common because we have a extensive list of things that we have in common, we do we do, is scary, but we only have three seconds each. So whoever can't think of something within the three seconds first is the loser and then you get burned with a hot potato. I don't I'm not gonna burn you. Thanks. I'll start, I'll say, I'll say our first similarity and then it's gonna go over to you. And, sounds good. Let's get the timer going. Okay, so the first similarity that I'm going to start the game with is, we are both four foot 11. We are both Jewish yeah genetically. We both have an American mom. We both have a Scottish dad. We both like Skittles milkshakes. We both have half siblings. We both went to the University of Manchester. We both love Vegas. We both had boyfriends called Ben who's had best friends called backs, tell me that was my one. We. What were you gonna say, same size face size three. Ah, that is such a good hook. We also asked could we come up with, we both like good steak, we buy airline we both love airline lounges, we do, we both love being in business, basically. Yeah, which never happens, but we like it. We like the idea of it. We've got passports. Ah, true. We're both, we both have American and British dual nationality. Yeah, shout out to all the dual nationality people out there. I don't think your passports everywhere. Congratulations, that, unfortunately, brings us to the end of the episode Lindsey, how's it been for you. It's been great. I mean, it's always great catching up with you. That's nice, isn't it, I feel the same that sweet, we never have these sweet moments together. I think you give great advice. And it's all done with humour, which is what we need at the moment we need that in life with everything that's going on. Oh that's so nice to be to say thank you and I, I couldn't agree more. Thank you so much for being so complimentary yeah I should have you on here more often. So I'm really grateful for you taking the time to do this with me, and let's do this again soon. Amazing definitely out for. All right. 

Well, it's that time, what have we learned. We have learned that if MTV on available to hell. Just get your denim cutoffs out. You can own a retake your science GCSE now that we know what a dog bird is. And I've learned that the only fishing I'm interested in is fishing for compliments. Join me next time, love, Alex.