7. Oh Sister!

How do you know when your flirt game enters the creep zone?

Thea Jaffa @thedirtymomtini joins Alex today to launch their latest business venture, try to figure out some old British slang and help a listener with their very 'friendly' sister

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0:11

Hey and welcome back to another episode of laugh it off! Today, we are looking at the difference between flirting and friendly and good flirting and bad. I'm no expert flirt, but here are some basics, which somehow, we are still getting wrong. Oh, the horror stories out there. Here are some of the top tips based on real conversations with real humans who have had these experiences. Don't call the person Bay when you first meet them, you don't know them. Also, really try to refrain from mentioning your bitch ex. Another thing, don't ask them when they last got tested during the starter and when I say tested I mean STD wise, this was over the salad. Also make sure you were a top of some kind. I conduct is so important like too much, and I'm wondering where you are going to bury my body, not enough. And I think you're on drugs, you got to get the balance rights be intuitive, you know, like read the room, if someone steps backwards from you, then you shouldn't step forward towards them model what they do stat, the buck back lesson. You can't catch feelings by being physically close to that being up in that base where make them fall in love with you, I promise. And finally, a Facebook friend request is not first base, and doesn't count as courtship. Today's guest is Thea Jaffe, or you may know her as the dirty mom teeny. She is a hilarious Comedian, with a suspiciously high, Uber Eats rating here is Thea,
  
  2:08
  defending myself against flirting is actually part of how I became a comedian, because, yeah, it was on those like those countless really awkward Tinder dates where, you know, the guy is just trying to flirt with you and trying to make his move and stuff but my defence was comedy because I just felt like if I can just keep this guy laughing. He's going to be too busy laughing to make his next move and then next thing we know is going to be eight o'clock and I'm out of here, you know, that's like my sort of my strategy for awkward dates.
  
  2:41
  What's your flirt style Have you have you got game. Yes,
  
  2:44
  when I want to. I've got it,
  
  2:46
  you know you can bring it when you want to. So is that how you seduce your Eber eats delivery man. Well,
  
  2:53
  you hang on,
  
  2:54
  are you eat siren. The delivery temptress, Is that not you.
  
  3:01
  I am a very good Uber Eats and delivery customer. My reading is impeccable. However, I don't do that anymore, with someone.
  
  3:11
  Okay,
  
  3:11
  I still order food to be delivered but I don't take advantage of all of the services.
  
  3:19
  I mean,
  
  3:21
  was it specifically just food delivery, or you know can Amazon get in there as well, like, I just want to know the criteria, I was very excited
  
  3:29
  during lockdown when Amazon delivery driver gave me his number. That was a big moment for me, you know, it kept me. It kept me off the streets in the house.
  
  3:43
  Well, I'm really glad that you said that because this wasn't even going to be a podcast recording this was actually going to be an intervention for your delivery driver addiction.
  
  3:53
  I told you I don't do that anymore I'm with someone,
  
  3:56
  it's fun, it's fine, we can laugh about it now because it's historic, you know like we can laugh about it. Everyone
  
  4:03
  asked,
  
  4:04
  Would you like to promote our new consultancy business now, or we could save that for the end of the episode.
  
  4:12
  I'm always ready to promote our business.
  
  4:16
  Okay. So, big news. Taylor and I got into business together. It's kind of PR consultancy, how would you describe it Taylor
  
  4:26
  doing God's work.
  
  4:29
  You really went figure.
  
  4:31
  I'm passionate about what I do, about what
  
  4:36
  I'm passionate about what we do, Alex.
  
  4:39
  I really think we need to get our shit together before we go on Dragon's Den, because this pitch is not as real as I thought it would be. So this is good this could be our dress rehearsal. Producer Peter producer Victoria can be the dragons, this is going to be good. Okay, so
  
  4:55
  what are today's biggest problems.
  
  4:58
  Well, aside from, you know, world hunger, and war, there are unsolicited dick pics
  
  5:05
  unsolicited, but more importantly, poorly marketed. That's where we come in for our DP, which stands for dick pic DP PR slash consultancy business, we can provide lighting filters you know stop making those DPS, a mistake,
  
  5:28
  exactly why does it have to be a mistake, you'll have the best of intentions,
  
  5:32
  exactly we can retouch photos, but most importantly to please tell them about our number one service.
  
  5:39
  Well the truth is we don't ever want to admit, most women actually don't want to dictate what we make.
  
  5:49
  Surely, women love these unsolicited photos coming and say you must have this
  
  5:54
  wrong. This is why you send us here, and we will send the intended recipient, a picture that they'll appreciate more
  
  6:02
  like a cute puppy or kitten, kitten.
  
  6:06
  Yeah, you know, something adorable, so that the response you get is the response you want
  
  6:12
  exactly if you want a positive response send us the photo you're intending to send, and we will guarantee a positive response. What's the name of our consultancy, it's how about trash teeny trash teeny trashley and the dirty mom to trash, trash teeny consultancies,
  
  6:33
  We,
  
  6:34
  we hope you get there, make, we make sure the response you want is the response you get to your dick pic by probably
  
  6:43
  not sending the pic in the first place.
  
  6:47
  By sending something else. You send your dick pic, and we'll make the magic happen.
  
  6:56
  We'll be the responsible brain filter that you clearly don't have
  
  7:02
  perfect. Okay we're ready ready for Dragon's Den.
  
  7:09
  Okay Thea So this week's voicemail actually isn't a voicemail is a direct message from our Instagram at Lawford of port, and I've asked producer p or p, as he was known in episode three, to give us a hand and narrate this problem in the style of the wonderful woman who contacted us and Pete has really gotten for it so let's listen. Hi,
  
  7:35
  Alex. Honestly, I'm worried I'm going to hurt my sister soon she will not stop flirting with my partner. We've been together five years, And I'm not worried whatsoever by him doing anything. I think he is actually just scared of her to be honest. Anyway, I spoken to her three times before about this issue, and she's the biggest flirt in the entire universe. Cool. Like, that's her deal, but she literally throws herself at him, strokes, his own comments about his body, she once said the words, if you weren't dating my sister, I would definitely BLEEP you, and this was our family barbecue. We laughed about it for the first year, maybe for the first couple years, but now he feels like he's been sexually harassed and totally embarrassed. She says I need to relax. She isn't really attracted to him and that she's just being friendly. How to, how can I get her to seriously listen to me. Well,
  
  8:44
  I guess the meaning of friendly has changed. Now I don't have a sister, but what I do know is that sisters are meant to share. So am I missing something here. Well, what
  
  8:57
  are you expecting the sister to share. I mean, you have to share it. Do I have to share my boyfriend now. I
  
  9:03
  mean, come on. I don't know I don't have a sister so
  
  9:08
  sister either.
  
  9:12
  Okay, well I'm pretty sure this is like, not what that means, when they say, Sharing is caring. Yeah, this seems this, this, this, there's quite a few things in this problem such as that, you know, they've spoken two or three times already about the issue. Then there's the inappropriate touching, which scares me comments about his body, she's really going for it. I am worried about the partner, I'm worried about this guy. And maybe he needs some support,
  
  9:41
  I'm thinking about two things, it's, it comes down to boundaries. Right. And assertiveness, so it sounds to me like the colour, and her boyfriend are struggling to both set boundaries but then also assert those boundaries with the sister.
  
  10:05
  Mm hmm.
  
  10:06
  And I think before you start exploring what kind of action, you could take with this sister we have to first explore, have they done everything they can to set their boundaries, and are they asserting them
  
  10:22
  effectively. My second question is, does your partner. So colour does your partner have a brother, because maybe that's the solution here, bringing the brother, and then they, they can get together and then you and your partner the brother and the sister, this you know it sounds incestuous when you say it, but that's not how it's intended. I just think that this is a solution to the problem does he have a brother or a, you know, an attractive friend. Maybe you need to get this girl on Tinder. Maybe you should start a profile for her I don't know.
  
  10:57
  I completely agree like find like the sisters already for her bone.
  
  11:03
  Boy, just some new bait. Yeah,
  
  11:06
  she just made some chia seeds a piece of meat there she'll leave you alone. It's kind of
  
  11:10
  a lockdown it's been a lockdown oh she's had his family around.
  
  11:15
  Maybe she needs some dick pics. Oh my gosh.
  
  11:18
  Hey listen,
  
  11:20
  if she needs a Bix we you know trash teeny consult consult trash TV consultancy has her crash. Exactly. But you know, on a more serious level. Yeah, this isn't cool. This is out of order she can't. She can't be doing this, this is bad but I actually think the first thing that you need to do is have a really serious conversation with your partner because you haven't really said in in your message but he really needs to be addressing this very directly with her in real time as it's happening. I'm getting the impression that is not happening, because if he was shutting her down, you know, very seriously directly. Surely this wouldn't be continuing what do you think to her.
  
  12:02
  I completely agree, Alex, I mean I think it's important to remember that, like, she, the colour and her partner, they only have control over their own behaviour. They don't have control over the sister. In the end, so we need to like, they need to have a serious conversation as you're saying about his behaviour and how that's affecting the situation and also how the, the, because he caught, they use the word harassment, so how is that affecting him and is his is he able to set boundaries is he able to be assertive, this might be affecting him in other areas of his life as well. So it's a good chance to sort of review, you know,
  
  12:40
  exactly. And, you know, it might even just be a little motivational pep talk because sometimes it can be if you're if you're not used to being assertive in that way. It can be a little bit daunting. So even just you know googling how to politely, you know, a list of top 10 polite shutdowns or something I'm sure there's loads of lists out there. Totally labour, women have been women have been using them for years but, you know, I'm sure there's loads of resources available out there to help you get the words because sometimes you just want to know the words like if you know what this, if you know the script, all you have to do is just like take a deep breath and say it, which can make it easier being bring a call a bucket of cold water to dinner and just chalk it over,
  
  13:22
  or what I mean. Yeah,
  
  13:25
  oh my God bring a gun.
  
  13:28
  Don't people always bring guns to family, barbecues anyway,
  
  13:31
  we, we bring knives instead. That always a good idea. So,
  
  13:42
  never ended badly.
  
  13:46
  I think this girl's got some pretty off game. I don't think our floating game is a level we would call appropriate. I'm wondering if she sees it or not, like, I'm wondering if this is the realises is she consciously doing this or is she genuinely not realising the reactions that she's getting, because I think it's one thing to act that way but then to also not respond to someone clearly not into it. That's that's a bit. That's a bit weird. That's a bit weird.
  
  14:16
  I think that's a good point, and it's not there's not much in the question about the nature of the caller's relationship with their sister, but depending on that relationship I mean maybe it would be worth talking to her sister about you know about flirting and behaviour and what what's appropriate and what comes off as flirting and what comes off as harassment, or what comes off as harmless and what comes up off as harmful.
  
  14:40
  Yeah, There might be like an education issue here. I actually, I read, I read an article called How to know the difference between friendly and flirty. I'll post it online, but apart, and I think there might actually be some good tips in there like you know things like eye contact like physical proximity so that person and she kind of went down to the basics, which I think a lot of people might learn from so I'll educate you all and I will post it on by posting it on my Instagram, I'm contributing to society. I think the fact that they managed to laugh this off as well. For a year is pretty impressive. I respect that work ethic so props, my lady because I don't think I could laugh that off for a year, that's what she
  
  15:23
  tried googling system getting on my boyfriend.
  
  15:27
  Oh my god,
  
  15:28
  don't tell people that we won't have any problems so don't tell everyone they could just Google it. I think, okay, let's say, we've got the, we've got the partner now he's assertive he's saying no, he's saying don't do that I don't like that that makes me feel uncomfortable. What if that. What if it still continues.
  
  15:47
  If it's not possible, you know to get her to behave in the way that you want her to. And you need to be ready for that. You may have to sacrifice, you know something in the end. So I just think the caller needs to maybe just take this as just take this as a positive lesson about setting boundaries and being assertive and standing up for yourself, then be prepared though that you might have to change the way you do things.
  
  16:15
  That's brilliant, absolutely and it's powerful, it feels good when you set a boundary and stick to it,
  
  16:20
  but it sounds, I mean if you're actually like setting boundaries and they're not being respected, that's a serious situation
  
  16:26
  and thinking maybe also family therapy might be an option here. If you can get her on board for that, that might also be an effective route to go very time consuming now, family therapy. I don't think there's anything therapeutic personally about getting my family all in one room to talk about how we feel. I think that's the opposite of therapy. I think that's like, when those family barbecues with guns go wrong, that's more
  
  16:58
  what happened to me.
  
  17:00
  I mean, another option could just be run away from the problem. Yeah, don't
  
  17:08
  get a new partner.
  
  17:09
  Do you really like potato salad that much anyway. Exactly,
  
  17:14
  and also like new you new beginning end of the pandemic, we should all be making these changes anyway like maybe he's got to go.
  
  17:22
  Maybe this is the chance to reinvent yourself. Yes, oh
  
  17:26
  my gosh, just start a new identity, get
  
  17:27
  a new family.
  
  17:30
  I think we've given pretty much every good option, but there is for you, colour, so you're welcome and please do let us know how it goes. All right so Thea, as you know, we play a game, usually. And I'm kind of like going up to the next level,
  
  17:51
  because
  
  17:52
  we've got a host for this game. So I hope you're impressed you don't look that impressed Are you impressed. I'm impressed. So our host, this game is producer Victoria formerly known as Victoria from episode one.
  
  18:06
  Hi Victoria,
  
  18:07
  hi yeah, you're right, so you could look more impressed, to be fair,
  
  18:11
  this is my impressed look.
  
  18:13
  Wow. Okay, well I'm surprised you're flirting worked
  
  18:20
  to podcast because,
  
  18:22
  yeah.
  
  18:23
  Alright so my buzzer is. Now, what about utopia, what have you got,
  
  18:29
  I've got a xylophone.
  
  18:33
  Okay, so I am going to say six slang words. Just to give you a heads up that old British slang terms.
  
  18:43
  Yeah and I have to guess what it means, and whoever gets the most correct wins the first one,
  
  18:49
  draw the long bow.
  
  18:54
  I think that means you got probably like the same as drawing the short straw, you got unlucky back.
  
  19:01
  Alex would you like to have a guess.
  
  19:03
  I think it's the opposite. I think the long bow is a good thing.
  
  19:06
  Well You're both wrong. It's fond of spinning a wild yarn, full of extravagant detail but short on facts. What the hell. Okay, the next one, this is, this is my favourite thought capture.
  
  19:26
  I got it, is if someone who sits with their mouth open.
  
  19:36
  They don't close their mouth, so
  
  19:39
  you're gonna catch all the thoughts. All right, take it your turn in a minute.
  
  19:46
  Tiger, I have a question. Questions, take a guess idea or puzzle,
  
  19:54
  why would you care to fart in your mouth. It's disgusting. My guess to that would be like somebody who is on a wild goose chase, trying to find, trying to catch something that is impossible to catch like a fart, like COVID, it's not real. I said,
  
  20:12
  yeah, no, it's basically a footman or valet, we'd be used to walking a couple of steps behind the master or mistress. so, therefore, they would be in line.
  
  20:27
  That might go.
  
  20:30
  Okay.
  
  20:32
  Hubble de hoy,
  
  20:37
  I think, Hubble de hoy is like a stage of drunk, so it's like you get to that stage,
  
  20:45
  you don't actually start doing
  
  20:46
  any says there's no ha she's able to avoid right though. Like, just you know
  
  20:51
  right I wish it was. I wish at all I'm gonna use that for that reason now but that's wrong.
  
  20:58
  I think kabhi hoy, is the type of food that you eat when you're short on money, like some kind of disgusting porridge like come on, like little Timmy like hobble over and have your heart heavily hoy for breakfast
  
  21:14
  from America and if you used it in hobo de hoy, that's like, Come on, have you have any horror guys though. It's a boxers, young man who believes himself to be part of the adult world, and carries himself with a swagger and a lofty air. So there you go way off, my God. Okay, so the fourth one. Are you ready, off your chump.
  
  21:42
  Clearly, someone who is bugging pissed.
  
  21:45
  Do you say stay in what way, like drunk, like, Oh,
  
  21:49
  I was totally off my chump last night.
  
  21:56
  I call it off your chop.
  
  22:01
  I think it's someone who's rapidly lost a lot of weight is off. She's off the champ.
  
  22:13
  If someone is described as affair chump or affair chumpy It means you are they are crazy. I could say that right now. They're right there. But your last word sneeze Lurker
  
  22:36
  a booger.
  
  22:37
  It's a booger.
  
  22:38
  It's not a baby.
  
  22:40
  Sneeze mercker,
  
  22:43
  and is it just like for someone who just gets too close to you, like, up in your face and you're like whoa, take a step back.
  
  22:50
  If only.
  
  22:54
  Is it someone trying to spread a disease,
  
  22:58
  but they're trying to do something, take your mask off
  
  23:04
  somebody's trying to somebody's trying to give you Coronavirus
  
  23:07
  that doing something to get something,
  
  23:10
  they're trying to poison your mind with or not with a negative idea
  
  23:16
  make you sneeze by not cleaning up the dust
  
  23:18
  close.
  
  23:22
  What makes people sneeze
  
  23:24
  dust come on,
  
  23:26
  allergies, it's actually a, an act of pure criminal nastiness to first snuff, or pepper into someone's face, with the sole intention of making off with their valuables, it's a way of mugging someone
  
  23:42
  Yeah, by throwing pepper in their face, best jokes. There you go. So, the point person sorry to be fair.
  
  23:50
  Yeah, that's probably where it started to be on it. Yeah. So, Alex in that round you scored Neopia Thea, you scored. Neal PA. Thank you and good night, I should leave you to it.
  
  24:05
  Well, as sad as Victoria's departure is when things are about to get a whole lot sadder up in here, because tell you unfortunately that brings us to the end of the episode. Is there anywhere that you know we can check you out and find out how funny you are
  
  24:19
  absolutely I love being stalked on social media so please stalk me on Instagram at the dirty mom teeny Thea,
  
  24:28
  it's been, it's been swell, and we should do this again sometime.